Artist: Scars On Broadway
Song: Chemicals
Album: Scars On Broadway
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Why this song is awesome:
It’s hard to imagine that Daron wasn’t on some sort of hallucinogen when he wrote this song. There’s only one way to describe how he sounds as he sings/gargles Like we were LOVAAARRRRRSSSSS, which is deranged. But it’s a delightful kind of deranged. Like a serial killer with the personality of Ellen DeGeneres.
Best lyric:
“I grabbed your ass under the covers.”
Artist: Sikth
Song: Pussyfoot
Album: The Trees Are Dead & Dried Out, Wait For Something Wild
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Why this song is awesome:
This song makes me feel like there are two massive monsters who have kidnapped me and tied me to a chair in some decrepit, leaky basement.
They blast brutally heavy riffs through speakers the size of tanks and violently scream the bridge directly into my ears:
“LIVE LIFE NOW!!!”
They’re so loud that the next 6 generations of my family will probably be deaf.
When it’s all over, and my body’s been blown half to pieces by this bazooka of a song, I look up at the two monsters, begin nodding slowly and scream over the insane ringing in what’s left of my ears:
“OKAY I WILL!!!”
Artist: Every Time I Die
Song: Wanderlust
Album: New Junk Aesthetic
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Why this song is awesome:
This is a song that makes both a fantastic and dreadful soundtrack to a joyride. Fantastic, because the chugging riffs spank you like a sexy nun, making your heart race like you’re going 120 mph in a school zone. Dreadful, because head-banging while driving leads to pancaked children and pets fading in your rear-view mirror.
And that’s just on a motorized cart.
Artist: System of a Down
Song: Vicinity of Obscenity
Album: Hypnotize
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Why this song is awesome:
If you told me that you had written a metal song with disco breaks about prostitutes, feet and food, I’d have said ‘you must be in System of a Down’.
And I’d be right.
And I’d be awarded an 8 foot tall trophy with an upside down mongoose engraved on it.
And there would be a member of the Royal Family there to give it to me.
And they’d be wearing nothing but socks and a clown nose.
And there would be a tuba orchestra serenading me with a spirited rendition of the A&W song.
It may seem as if I’ve fallen face-first into a pillow made of crack, but I haven’t (yet…). A weird, awesome song deserves a weird, mediocre post.
Best lyrics:
Banana banana banana banana / terra-cotta / banana terra-cotta / terra-cotta / pie.
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P.S. The A&W song FYI
P.P.S. I will send $5 to the person who illustrates my fantasy trophy ceremony in MS Paint. Just post it in the comments.
