Artist: Scars On Broadway
Song: Chemicals
Album: Scars On Broadway
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Why this song is awesome:
It’s hard to imagine that Daron wasn’t on some sort of hallucinogen when he wrote this song. There’s only one way to describe how he sounds as he sings/gargles Like we were LOVAAARRRRRSSSSS, which is deranged. But it’s a delightful kind of deranged. Like a serial killer with the personality of Ellen DeGeneres.
Best lyric:
“I grabbed your ass under the covers.”
Artist: Mindless Self Indulgence
Song: Stupid MF
Album: You’ll Rebel to Anything
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Why this song is awesome:
If I had been born a 400 pound beefcake with billowing chestnut hair and a smile that could melt iceburgs, I’d have become a professional wrestler. It’d be the only sensible career choice.
My daily routine is a vivid picture in my mind. I’d wake up each morning to go to work, slipping on my golden sequined unitard, slathering myself in gold chains, and misting myself with an experimental perfume made of testosterone and steak.
As I arrive at the stadium locker room, I nod to the fellow wrestlers, Jock Jacker, Slice Matthews, and The Fluffer, and they salute me in turn. In moments, I will be destroying them in the ring.
After mentally preparing myself for a moment backstage, my theme song, Stupid MF, begins to play, and I know it’s show time.
I triple backflip into the ring while chugging a beer, which I break over the referees head as I land. Then I just start pounding faces. I play the dangerous side of me up, even throw a trick lawnmower into the crowd. And they go wild, chanting my name: Bum Rush! Bum Rush!
And then I wake up in a cold sweat, relieved it’s just a dream. Then I look down and I’m wearing a golden sequined unitard.
*gasp*
It wasn’t a dream!
—
Best lyrics:
Should I talk slower / like you’re a retard? / Should I talk slower / like you’re retarded? / They think you’re dumb / I think you’re smart / No, wait, I lied / I think you’re dumb
Artist: The Dear Hunter
Song: In Cauda Venenum
Album: Act III - Life and Death
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This song makes me feel like running around and destroying things, like a caged ape. In fact, it literally turns me into a caged ape. Like werewolves do with full moons.
Oh no, my palms are sprouting fur! I’m getting a huge craving for bananas. I’m beating my chest for some reason.
Ah, I can’t stop it from ksajfdfjsj ooo ooooooo oooo EEEE OOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO EEEEEE OOOOOO
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Kickass lyrics:
In the cradle we’re helpless, but on our feet we are fatal / How we evolve and grow into twisted beasts with a desire for disorder.
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Check out another one of their great tracks, Mustard Gas, done acoustically. It shows of how intimate, but powerful Casey Crescenzo’s voice can really be.
Artist: Austra
Song: Lose It
Album: Feel It Break
I haven’t been stopped dead in my tracks by a song in a long time. This song did this for 5 repeats in a row. I just sat there, taking in that achingly beautiful voice and trying to understand what that sound was. That beautiful sound. I haven’t heard anything like it.
Just listen to these words, mixed with that soaring, gorgeous operatic voice:
Don’t wanna lose you, don’t wanna lose / Don’t wanna lose you, don’t wanna lose / I get impatient, with every word / The more you ask me, the more I’ve heard / This is a thirst that I’ve never had / I’ve never bled for another man.
Wow. I dare you not to tell everyone you know about this song.
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P.S. - They’re from Toronto. For the first time in a while, we have a band to brag about.
P.P.S. - Watch this excellent live performance from SXSW
Artist: McFly
Song: P.O.V.
Album: Radio:Active
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Why this song is awesome:
I love this song, and it’s not because I bear a striking resemblance to their ‘hubba-hubba’-inducing drummer Harry.
A lot of people, as far as I’ve heard, saw McFly as a talentless boy band, tolerable only to teen girls. This album proves them wrong.
This song is an especially good example of the band’s leap from happy-go-lucky teenagers to a darker, sadder, yet more confident and exciting McFly.
I know that for years, the majority of McFly’s fans were tween girls with diaries, but I’d say it’s about time 20-somethings paid attention to this band.
And hey, if I’m wrong and McFly is still for tweens, then strap a training bra on me, because I’m officially a fan.
Best lyrics:
I never wanted everything to end this way / But you can take the bluest sky and turn it grey / I swore to you that I would do my best to change / but you said it don’t matter.
—-
P.S. A fantastic live version of this song.
Artist: System of a Down
Song: Vicinity of Obscenity
Album: Hypnotize
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Why this song is awesome:
If you told me that you had written a metal song with disco breaks about prostitutes, feet and food, I’d have said ‘you must be in System of a Down’.
And I’d be right.
And I’d be awarded an 8 foot tall trophy with an upside down mongoose engraved on it.
And there would be a member of the Royal Family there to give it to me.
And they’d be wearing nothing but socks and a clown nose.
And there would be a tuba orchestra serenading me with a spirited rendition of the A&W song.
It may seem as if I’ve fallen face-first into a pillow made of crack, but I haven’t (yet…). A weird, awesome song deserves a weird, mediocre post.
Best lyrics:
Banana banana banana banana / terra-cotta / banana terra-cotta / terra-cotta / pie.
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P.S. The A&W song FYI
P.P.S. I will send $5 to the person who illustrates my fantasy trophy ceremony in MS Paint. Just post it in the comments.
Band: Green Day
Song: Jesus of Suburbia
Album: American Idiot
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Why this song is awesome:
I have a very special place in my heart for this song, which clocks in at about 9 minutes that go by so quick you’d swear it were shorter.
A lot of people thought Green Day was nuts for writing American Idiot, a rock-opera.
“Who the hell do they think they are? A pop punk band doing a concept album?” I remember reading. Well, they were nuts all right. And it worked out beyond my wildest expectations.
(lf I’m starting to sound like a Green Day fan boy, it’s because I am *embarassed at my nerdiness*)
On this album, they defied all expectation. They were dangerous. They were exciting.
People criticized Billie Joe’s new look, saying he looked like some kind of emo kid with too much guyliner. But for me, that’s when Billie Joe went from being a Rock Star to a Rock Icon. Seeing him on stage was electrifying. He literally held crowds of 50 thousand people in the palm of his hand. In fact, here’s proof (esp. 2 minutes in)
When I first heard Jesus of Suburbia, I was on a bus. I had bought the CD at my local mall, ran to unwrap it, and put it into my discman (yes, a discman). I loved Green Day growing up, and after reading so many pre-release interviews about how ambitious this album was, I was nervous. But excited.
So, I sat on the bus and listened to this song attentively for the first time. Then I cried. It was the first time a song ever made me cry.
It was so amazing and beautiful and it fucking ROCKED. I’m not sure why I was so emotional. Maybe, it was like I was proud of that band I always hoped could create a masterpiece, and here it was. In my hands.
You may disagree with me, but to me, this is one of the best songs (and albums) ever written.
Band: Foxy Shazam
Song: Wanna-be Angel
Album: Foxy Shazam
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Why this song is awesome:
If Evil Knievel had become a frontman instead of a stuntman, this would be his band. Everything about it makes me happy and energized, like diving naked into a pool of chilled Jell-o.
It doesn’t hurt that the lyrics make me feel like I’m not the only metrosexual-leaning male who’s felt a little petulant at the world:
I want my fans to think I’m so punk rock and roll / But all you hipsters say I’m gay / Well I’m not gay at all!
I honestly dare you not to listen to Eric sing his lines and not smile. Double dog, if necessary.
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BONUS LIVE VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onzg5sgiy1c (Wait ‘til about 2:00 and you will be handsomely rewarded by the best stage banter ever)
Band: Hawksley Workman
Song: Lonely People
Album: Los Manlicious
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Why this song is awesome:
I’m like most people, I think. I get lonely from time to time. I’ve felt that at many times in my life.
Well, one day I went to a Hawksley Workman concert. And afterwards, I thought about hearing this song. A song about losing people and hurting and being alone. Seeing thousands of people gathered, listening to and loving this song, teaches you something. However alone you feel, there’s always someone out there feeling the same. We’re all lonely people sometimes, and that’s exactly why we’re never alone.
Here’s some of the lyrics. They’re beautiful and simple:
And I called you my friend /And you carried me in / But it’s all gone / Left me all lost/ And why did this have to end? In truth I’m questioning. / Are lonely people, all that we know?
Band: DeVotchKa
Song: Such a Lovely Thing
Album: How It Ends
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Why this song is awesome:
If you don’t have any Eastern European family, you’re really missing out. No other set of people on Earth can put away as much vodka and deli meats as they. It’s a sight to behold.
When these Eastern Euros get all hopped up on sodium and booze, they pick up instruments. It’s amazing how many of them just happen to know the mandolin.
Before you know it, there’s a circle of gypsies around you, singing, dancing, spinning and sweating profusely. You desperately try to hold onto your hat while they desperately trying to get a hold of your wallet. It’s a fun time.
Chances are, you don’t have Euro relatives like this, and so you need to listen to DeVotchKa’s song “Such a Lovely Thing”. It’s the closest thing to being in a middle-of-nowhere Ukranian barn full of old toothless people ready to throw down. Just grab a kielbasa, a bottle of Russian Prince, and you’re all set.
The lyrics are A+ too.
You’re such a lovely thing/ But there is ice forming/ Upon your pretty wings/ What are you protecting?/ I’ll give you everything/ And you could wear this ring/ But you only love me when I’m leaving
