Artist: Awolnation
Song: Sail
Album: Megalithic Symphony
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Why this song is awesome:
The way Chad Kroeger screams his way through every Nickelback song makes me want to floss my ears with razorwire. But the way Awolnation does it makes me want to just put on my headphones, lie in the dark and smile. How often can you say someone screams beautifully?
Artist: Sikth
Song: Pussyfoot
Album: The Trees Are Dead & Dried Out, Wait For Something Wild
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Why this song is awesome:
This song makes me feel like there are two massive monsters who have kidnapped me and tied me to a chair in some decrepit, leaky basement.
They blast brutally heavy riffs through speakers the size of tanks and violently scream the bridge directly into my ears:
“LIVE LIFE NOW!!!”
They’re so loud that the next 6 generations of my family will probably be deaf.
When it’s all over, and my body’s been blown half to pieces by this bazooka of a song, I look up at the two monsters, begin nodding slowly and scream over the insane ringing in what’s left of my ears:
“OKAY I WILL!!!”
Artist: Matchbook Romance
Song: Monsters
Album: Voices
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Why this song is awesome:
A lot of people learned about this song through Guitar Hero 3, including me. The embarrassing number of hours that game sucked from my life could have been better used building a boat or inventing some sort of see-through toaster.
But back to the song.
What a creepy ass melody! What a pounding, unholy rhythm! Those sliding guitar riffs sound like a moaning ghost. This whole song makes me feel afraid of the dark.
Add that psycho guitar solo into the mix? Well guys, I just shit my pants.
Artist: Mindless Self Indulgence
Song: Stupid MF
Album: You’ll Rebel to Anything
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Why this song is awesome:
If I had been born a 400 pound beefcake with billowing chestnut hair and a smile that could melt iceburgs, I’d have become a professional wrestler. It’d be the only sensible career choice.
My daily routine is a vivid picture in my mind. I’d wake up each morning to go to work, slipping on my golden sequined unitard, slathering myself in gold chains, and misting myself with an experimental perfume made of testosterone and steak.
As I arrive at the stadium locker room, I nod to the fellow wrestlers, Jock Jacker, Slice Matthews, and The Fluffer, and they salute me in turn. In moments, I will be destroying them in the ring.
After mentally preparing myself for a moment backstage, my theme song, Stupid MF, begins to play, and I know it’s show time.
I triple backflip into the ring while chugging a beer, which I break over the referees head as I land. Then I just start pounding faces. I play the dangerous side of me up, even throw a trick lawnmower into the crowd. And they go wild, chanting my name: Bum Rush! Bum Rush!
And then I wake up in a cold sweat, relieved it’s just a dream. Then I look down and I’m wearing a golden sequined unitard.
*gasp*
It wasn’t a dream!
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Best lyrics:
Should I talk slower / like you’re a retard? / Should I talk slower / like you’re retarded? / They think you’re dumb / I think you’re smart / No, wait, I lied / I think you’re dumb
Artist: Fiona Apple
Song: On the Bound
Album: When the Pawn…
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Why this song is awesome:
This song has an undeniable groove. Like Stella, once she got it back. In fact, that dirty piano riff is probably how she was reunited with it.
Hell, this song almost gave me some, and I’m whiter than the Slapchop guy. But more than a groove, this song creates a sexy mood that ‘dirty’ pop stars like Christina Aguilera only wish they could.
This is the kind of sexy that transports you to a place. Some low-down, scummy part of town. Where men carry Tommy Guns, and only thing more crooked than the cops are the hookers’ teeth.
“So, boss?” rasps my partner Murdoch.
“Looks like we got ourselves a case,” I say, hanging up the phone.
“We sure do boss. We sure do.”
Like the horsemen of the apocalypse, we ride off into the foggy night, Ready for anything. Ready for…I…uh….sorry…I forgot there was anyone was here.
This song always makes my mind wander to strange places.
Best lyrics:
Baby, lay your head on my lap one more time / Tell me you belong to me / Baby say that it’s all gonna be alright / I believe that it isn’t.
Artist: Coldplay
Song: Cup of Water
Album: Prospekt’s March
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Why this song is awesome:
So I was in a band once, and we recorded an album together. It represented about 5 years of intense work, and the weeks of seeing it all come together were some of the best of my life.
It all happened up at Beach Road Studios in Goderich, Ontario, home of the legendary Siegfried Meier, producer/engineer extraordinaire. On the last night, when we had recorded the last note of the last song, we decided to get pizza for everyone. We shoot into town with the top down, staring up at a dark sky bursting with stars (me, not Sieg…he was driving and that would be dangerous). Gorgeous.
Anyway, Sieg asks me: “Have you heard this Coldplay song? It kicks ass.” I don’t normally hear “Coldplay” and “kicks ass” in the same sentence, so Sieg blasts it.
Mind blown. That chorus slams you in the face like a cinderblock dropped from a high-rise. Every time I hear it, I remember the moment like I was there, and it’s the best feeling in the world. I still wonder what makes me love it most, the song or the memories of being at Beach Road Studios.
Whatever the reason, you have to admit, this song does kick ass. At least for Coldplay ;)
Best lyrics:
The hollowest of halos / is no halo at all / Televisions selling plastic figures of leaders / saying nothing at all
I never thought of Coldplay as a political band. In fact, I always thought Chris Martin made a lot of effort never to say anything that offended anybody, anywhere. But that’s a pretty sharp, poetic political comment right there. Slow clap, Mr. Martin.
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p.s. The audio isn’t perfect, but this live performance captures the fun, epic vibe of the song really nicely. Bonus points for Chris Martin’s recovery from a coughing fit a few seconds in.
p.p.s. While I’m at it, skip to 2:30 of this video to see ‘ol Siegfried in action with a poorly tuned accordion
Artist: Sum 41
Song: Jessica Kill
Album: Screaming Bloody Murder
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Why this song is awesome:
Sum 41’s frontman Deryck Whibley spent most this year cooking up a dish called “misery stew.” Sprinkle liberally with divorce and garnish with drug binge rumours. Whatever the ingredients, it makes for a damn good song (and album).
Listening to Jessica Kill is like being slapped across the face with a teenager’s diary who has enough issues to annoy their friends, but not enough to actually need a prescription. I mean that as a complement to Deryck, however backhanded.
This song is intense, exciting, and it brings us back to the darker and heavier Sum 41 I’ve missed since Chuck, two albums ago.
If you’ve written the band off as pop-punk bores, forget what you know. Sum 41 is back.
Best lyrics:
Oh my love, how do I explain / how I’ve come to feel this way / I’m addicted to the pain, even more than words could say / Every hit hurts like your kiss / like a needle to a vein / My last words of this begin / I want you
Tell me the difference between love and death / Fear them both as they take your breath
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p.s. I’ve never had misery stew, but I imagine it would taste something like “sad gulash.” Which I imagine would taste like puppy tears.
Artist: McFly
Song: P.O.V.
Album: Radio:Active
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Why this song is awesome:
I love this song, and it’s not because I bear a striking resemblance to their ‘hubba-hubba’-inducing drummer Harry.
A lot of people, as far as I’ve heard, saw McFly as a talentless boy band, tolerable only to teen girls. This album proves them wrong.
This song is an especially good example of the band’s leap from happy-go-lucky teenagers to a darker, sadder, yet more confident and exciting McFly.
I know that for years, the majority of McFly’s fans were tween girls with diaries, but I’d say it’s about time 20-somethings paid attention to this band.
And hey, if I’m wrong and McFly is still for tweens, then strap a training bra on me, because I’m officially a fan.
Best lyrics:
I never wanted everything to end this way / But you can take the bluest sky and turn it grey / I swore to you that I would do my best to change / but you said it don’t matter.
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P.S. A fantastic live version of this song.
Artist: System of a Down
Song: Vicinity of Obscenity
Album: Hypnotize
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Why this song is awesome:
If you told me that you had written a metal song with disco breaks about prostitutes, feet and food, I’d have said ‘you must be in System of a Down’.
And I’d be right.
And I’d be awarded an 8 foot tall trophy with an upside down mongoose engraved on it.
And there would be a member of the Royal Family there to give it to me.
And they’d be wearing nothing but socks and a clown nose.
And there would be a tuba orchestra serenading me with a spirited rendition of the A&W song.
It may seem as if I’ve fallen face-first into a pillow made of crack, but I haven’t (yet…). A weird, awesome song deserves a weird, mediocre post.
Best lyrics:
Banana banana banana banana / terra-cotta / banana terra-cotta / terra-cotta / pie.
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P.S. The A&W song FYI
P.P.S. I will send $5 to the person who illustrates my fantasy trophy ceremony in MS Paint. Just post it in the comments.
Band: Muse
Song: Exogenesis: Symphony Part 1 (Overture)
Album: The Resistance
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Why this song is awesome:
The first time I listened to this song, I wasn’t a fan. I found it slow and boring, and didn’t take the time to listen. I’ve slowed down a little since this album came out (i.e. I grunt when I bend over and I get cranky when kids are on my lawn), and re-listened to this piece. And re-listened. And re-listened.
In one word: wow.
This song (as well as part II and III) has a unique, dark energy about it that is all at once bleak, emotional, aggressive and hopeful. Lyrically and musically, it pulls me in so many ways no matter how many times I listen.
I had a dream that Matt Bellamy wrote a full symphony last night. I hope that dream comes true.
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